He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
