Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
