saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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