I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
