So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
