your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
