i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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