Got a toothbrush?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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