You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
