You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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