I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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