I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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