i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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