Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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