I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize