Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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