I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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