All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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