My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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