I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
