I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
