I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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