just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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