I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
