Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
