yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
