I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
