Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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