I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize