I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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