A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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