So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
