My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The adults are the big ones right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
