I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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