I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
