I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am naked and annoyed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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