Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
