Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
