he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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