Even the bartender felt bad for me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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