the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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