Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
