I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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