You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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