She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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