Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
