Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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