his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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