Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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