i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
