Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
