great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
