Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
