I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
