She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
