turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
