Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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