i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Someone shattered a urinal.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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