My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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