I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
