Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
