I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
