His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
