Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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