how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.