Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks