He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this must be what syphilis tastes like
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
