The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space