I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think i have herpe
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."