I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.