I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
