white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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