if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
