Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
