I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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