Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
