am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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