Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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