Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
