just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
